Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The trouble with Victoria... (guest post)

...is that she's gotten me into trouble too many times! (100 things about foxy #18)

I was relatively young when I got my first job. My sister worked part-time at a coffee kiosk and the owner just adored her. He agreed to hire me right before I turned 16 (mistakenly thinking I was a "good girl", too).

My very first day I met Michelle. She taught me a lot of things and none of them were about making coffee. Lessons from Michelle :
  1. Danny from Hot Sam's will trade soft pretzel sticks for a large coffee. 
  2. Don't give your phone number to the creepy "photographer". He's not looking for models, he's just a perv. 
  3. You'll get hit on by guys all the time. 
  4. Penn Station is an awesome choice for a lunch break. 
  5. When Mark the manager goes on break, he's really fucking his girlfriend in the stockroom. 
  6. It's worth the longer trip to the restrooms in Lazarus because Chris, the hot security guy, hangs out in the hallways a lot. And..........
  7. Victoria's Secret has the best panties.
These noteworthy items were important to a girl new to Mall Protocol. (except #1. Turns out Danny only brought Michelle free soft pretzel sticks because he wanted to get in her pants. Poor Danny - it never worked. Michelle was the ultimate cocktease. She graduated high school a virgin.)

I narrowly avoided an awkward encounter with Creepy Photographer, I got hit on quite often (the glass kiosk was somewhat of a fishbowl ,with lots of blonde fishies), Penn Station is STILL awesome, I never had to witness the illicit interludes of Mark (thank God), that long trip through Lazarus was sooooo worth it ( I ran into Chris so often in that long hallway that he named me "Strut". I may or may not have worked it a bit more for him), and Victoria did indeed have the best panties. I liked them so much that I spent every bit of my first paycheck there. :)

I paid good portions of subsequent paychecks to Victoria as well, because it seems I had a knack for losing my panty inventory. For example :

1.   My boyfriend (known as #1 on my list) liked to "watch movies" in his basement. Somehow watching movies included him fingering me while he rubbed his hard dick against my ass and those panties just got in the way. When his mom would come downstairs to do laundry, jeans were more of a priority to get back on, and he would always shove my panties down in the cushions to hide them. Many, many nights I went home commando. He never returned my undies, though. Damned panty thief. :( So back to Victoria I would go.

2.   My sister had a stupid cocker spaniel that hated me. She chose only my things to chew on and destroy. Headbands, shoes, stuffed animals, retainer, and yes........my beloved panties. The bitch would chew the crotch right out of them. So back to Victoria I would go.

3.   After #1 and I broke up (for the last time) I decided to accept date offers from a few of the cuter guys that would hit on me while I worked. Randy got his timing just right and our first date consisted of him taking me to a bar (how he got away with that I'll never know. I was 16 and no way was he 21!), getting me shit-faced on Long Island iced teas, then sneaking us into an apartment complex to skinnydip in the pool. After we were, uh......done swimming I promptly got dressed and we hit Burger King for munchies and he drove me home. While I was standing in my room at 1:00 in the morning, hair still dripping and thankful that I managed to sneak in with out my parents waking up I noticed my shorts felt funny. Because of where I could feel them. Dammit! My panties were probably still floating in the pool back at the apartments. So back to Victoria I would go.

4.   Long before #1 and I finally broke up we had an impromptu photo shoot. Of me. In my panties. And little else. After we broke up I remembered the photos and after much debate and physical threats he agreed to give them to me. With the negatives. (thank God this was before digital photography) Unfortunately I decided to stash them in my coat pocket and forgot about them. Even more unfortunate that my sister borrowed said coat without asking and found. the. photos. She either told her boyfriend about them or showed them to him because one night my dear sister stopped by work to get her paycheck and her boyfriend took me aside and warned me against taking "that kind" of photos. Or, at least against leaving them in places to be discovered. He is now my brother-in-law and knows way too much about me, in my opinion. The shock from that incident kept my panties under control for awhile, but eventually Victoria beckoned.

5.   Another influence Michelle had on me was partying. She was a party girl. I was not. (Yet.) However, as our friendship grew our Fridays and Saturdays after work were often spent at a local university making new friends, lying about our ages, and scoring free beer. Michelle was a pro at this. One time we shared a guy for the night. He was very drunk and very confused. He thought we were sisters. We let him. He was so drunk that all he could manage was a lot of groping and kissing. Can you imagine being with 2 pretty, under age, willing blondes and then being too drunk to get it up? I hope he was miserably hungover the next day because that was the closest I've ever come to a threesome, and he blew it. Sadly I managed to go home with my panties that time. But the night I met Mark from New Jersey, my panties were toast. He is known as #2 on my list. The first time we met he zeroed in on me at a party, and never left my side. He was sweet, in a hand-holding, "I'll-get-you-another-drink", kiss-me-on-the-back-of-my-neck kind of way. He had more personality than most guys I've ever met at a college party. That particular night he coaxed me back to his room and we traded favors. He offered to do anything if I let him titty-fuck me. He'd never done that and I suppose I inspired him. (BTW, is there a better euphemism for titty-fuck? I can't think of a single one. I tried.) Well anyway, one pearl necklace later he held up his end of the bargain and buried his face between my legs with enthusiasm. So much so, that my panties got ripped from my body. He actually ripped them off! It was fuckhot. It was a good thing I was working the next day because foxy needed more undies - again! So back to Victoria I would go.

6.   Right about this time things changed for me because I switched jobs (which cut down my Michelle time) and I got a car (which cut down my available panty funds). I dated someone seriously for a short while (#3), messed around with #1 on the sly, began lusting after a new guy who eventually became #4, and then, just when I decided to swear off guys who didn't meet my list of credentials, #5 started sniffing around and asked me out. (funny story about that. I'll have to post it sometime.) Against my better judgement I gave him a chance, and unexpectedly we clicked. We clicked so well that for two years I barely gave a thought to my panties as they seemed to always be on the floor, and not really necessary! That didn't stop him from buying me a $200 gift certificate to Victoria's secret for my 19th birthday. I think his celebratory enthusiasm was fuelled by a month of my absence while I toured France. I redeemed my gift certificate with much pleasure, buying not only panties, but matching bras, a few nighties, and a garter and stockings. I loved my gift, he loved my gift. We both enjoyed the hell out of those items. This time I'd have no need to return to Victoria.

It was the gift that kept on giving. We joke about it now, but a month after my 19th birthday, just a few short weeks after purchasing and enjoying to our hearts' content - I discovered I was pregnant. A rational person would accept responsibilty for such an outcome. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not me. It was the panties. It was all because of Victoria....................and I haven't spoken to that bitch since!

Thank you, thank you, foxy! I, for one, think you should give Victoria another chance. It's not healthy to hold a grudge. :D

Now, if you haven't already, you should definitely go read the other 99 Things about foxy at the Mischievous Little Vixen. She just started blogging in December, but I'm amazed at all the great stuff she's already posted. 


  1. As a man who loves shopping at Victoria's, I know she can be a cruel mistress. And I agree with Lola, give her another chance, and this time, take your camera.

  2. I've never been a fan of anything victoria's.
    Always liked a bit more naughty.
    Maybe Fredrick's if I went shopping with a girl and it had to be a chain store.
    The way you described those Victoria's secret panties though makes them sound like they can magically disappear.
    Gonna have to bring my wife to victoria's this weekend.

  3. Definitely enjoy shopping in Victoria's with my wife. I like to people watch, too (discretely) and let my imagination wonder what type of action some of those undergarments will see.

    Great post Foxy/Lola!!

  4. Awesome. My wife is a VS girl as well, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    Awesome guest post!

  5. As a man who loves shopping at Victoria's, I know she can be a cruel mistress. And I agree with Lola, give her another chance, and this time, take your camera.


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