Tuesday, November 9, 2010

BF or FB?

When I was in my mid-20s, the last thing I wanted was a serious, committed relationship. I was all about having fun!

I had dated lived with my first sexual partner for around 3 years.

I didn't want a boyfriend, but I definitely wanted to have sex.
And give blow jobs.
And drink.
And play.

So, what distinguishes between a boyfriend and a fuck buddy (or a friend with benefits)?

I had a relationship with this guy. I think it lasted around 2 years, perhaps. We never defined ourselves as bf/gf.

We were often together.
We hung out at his apt. At mine.
We watched movies.
We went out to eat.
We went to bars.
We got fucked up.
We fucked. A lot.

I don't think we ever claimed to be exclusive, but I don't think that we slept much with other people.
I think I did more than he did.
But time has made that all a little fuzzy.

To an outsider looking in, we were a couple.

But I didn't love him.
And I don't think he loved me.

Fuck buddies is all it was. At least in my mind.
I'm pretty sure we were on the same page with that.

We're still friends today.
Happily married to other people.

When asked how we know each other, my husband usually responds by saying, "Oh, they used to date."
This bothers me a little.
Because I never viewed that relationship in that way.

BUT what else are you gonna say to a group of people you don't really know?
Especially when his wife doesn't know we slept together. At all.
Never mind how frequently.

Boyfriend? Fuck buddy? What is the delineation between the two? Is it really just a matter of semantics? Is a relationship defined by those within it or by those viewing it?

6 comments:

  1. Ooh, I had one like that in grad school (before fwb or fuck buddies were invented). She was engaged to a guy from out of state at the time. They ended up married, and I'm only known as the good friend from college. Ah, but what a wonderful time it was!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah, yes. "The good friend from college." :-) Some things are just meant for good memories.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I say hell yes! I see no reason why two friends that are attracted to each other should't get it on. It seems like a perfectly good and healthy friendship to me. But then again jealousy confuses me, I don't do it and I don't understand it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. MM, I agree. Casual sex can be so great! Too bad jealousy often gets in the way.

    ReplyDelete
  5. MM, I agree. Casual sex can be so great! Too bad jealousy often gets in the way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I say hell yes! I see no reason why two friends that are attracted to each other should't get it on. It seems like a perfectly good and healthy friendship to me. But then again jealousy confuses me, I don't do it and I don't understand it.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by! Lola loves herself some comment love, so please leave her a little somethin' somethin'. Be sure to subscribe to comments as well, as she tries very hard to respond to each one. (She also loves referring to herself in 3rd person.)