Tuesday, April 9, 2013

H is for ...

Humor.

I love to laugh. Loud, belly laughs. Laughing so hard I can't breath and tears stream down my face.

Sometimes I laugh at sit-coms or movies or even the occasion blog.

Sometimes it's the littlest things, and sometimes I'm still laughing days later.

Right now, Jasper and I are really into the TV series, "Once Upon a Time," so when I stumbled upon these Fairy Tale dirty jokes, I thought they were perfect.


Big Bad Wolf: The big bad wolf said to little red riding hood "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits" fuck off she replied as she tugged down her pantie’s "eat me like the fuckin book says"

Pinocchio: Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters." So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that’s what you need." So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting along with the girls now?" \ "Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio.

Cinderella: Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairygodmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" "I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."

Snow White & Pinocchio: Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Mickey Mouse: Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is fucking Goofy."

Now it's YOUR turn. Make me laugh. Leave me a joke in the comments. Dirty or otherwise.

4 comments:

  1. Dang, I would've told you a fairy-tale themed dirty joke but the only ones that come to mind are the first and last in this post! :-)
    Some Dark Romantic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. Must mean the ones I posted were good. :)

      Delete

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