H is for ...

Humor.

I love to laugh. Loud, belly laughs. Laughing so hard I can't breath and tears stream down my face.

Sometimes I laugh at sit-coms or movies or even the occasion blog.

Sometimes it's the littlest things, and sometimes I'm still laughing days later.

Right now, Jasper and I are really into the TV series, "Once Upon a Time," so when I stumbled upon these Fairy Tale dirty jokes, I thought they were perfect.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/

Big Bad Wolf: The big bad wolf said to little red riding hood "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits" fuck off she replied as she tugged down her pantie’s "eat me like the fuckin book says"

Pinocchio: Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters." So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that’s what you need." So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting along with the girls now?" \ "Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio.

Cinderella: Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairygodmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" "I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."

Snow White & Pinocchio: Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Mickey Mouse: Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is fucking Goofy."

Now it's YOUR turn. Make me laugh. Leave me a joke in the comments. Dirty or otherwise.
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Don't let bad grammar ruin your sex life!

A friend of mine shared this cartoon on Facebook. It made me laugh, so I thought you all might enjoy it as well. If you can't read it, click on it to open a larger image in a new window.

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend!

Nine Months Later...

November is really flying by! I can hardly believe I haven't posted anything in nearly TWO weeks! My schoolwork is coming along very nicely, but I've still got a LOT to do.

This coming weekend will be solely devoted to preparing for my huge licensure exams that I'll be taking on Monday morning at 8am.

I have to pass these tests in order to student teach and in order to get my teaching license, so I'll be studying my little patookiss off this entire weekend.

At least I won't have to worry about it over the Thanksgiving weekend. :)

*****
I came across this joke a few days ago. I hope it makes you smile.

*****
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked: "Bob, do you remember that good- looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and fool around with her?"

"Yes," he said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"No need to apologize, Bob. She just died and left me everything!"

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!!

Whatever Lola Wants

A friend sent me the link to this commercial, as I had not seen it.



Whatever Lola wants...
Of course I think this Lola would want something besides a Diet Pepsi.
Just sayin'

Squeaking One Out

I've got less than twenty minutes to post something before I miss a day in my challenge. :)

I found this post in my drafts, so I hope that these jokes bring a smile to your face. (These were 100% copied/pasted, so forgive any typos).

******
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - that's why I am here!"

******

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

******

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

*****
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

******

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

******
Don't worry. I've got some fun, sexy posts in mind for next week. :)

DYAC

Have you heard of this website? Damn You Auto Correct? It's just about the funniest thing. You should check it out, if you wanna laugh. For real.

A FB friend linked their top autocorrects for April on her profile, and I laughed so HARD!

Here are a couple of the funniest ones from that post (imo), but you really should go check them all out.

What Happens When Men Bake Cookies...

I received an email the other day from a friend of mine with this title as the subject.

It included the following picture, which made me laugh.

I figured you all would enjoy it as well.

The author of this email forward said something like,

"My heart-shaped cookie cutter will never look the same."

I'd gladly give my cookie cutter to any man who

could/would decorate cookies like this. 

Quite talented, imo!

Now, perhaps he'd like to frost something else. Just sayin'. :))